NOTE: This is me being a total goober, and making a parody of Star Wars with me as a Jedi knight. I am awesome.
*The Jedi Master's chamber. They've assembled to speak with Knight Haze.*
WINDU
We have word, again, that you are remiss in your duties. Care to explain yourself? This time speak up so we can all hear you.
HAZE
It’s like this. I don’t like the idea of working for an army. I’m a knight who doesn't want to lead clones.
WINDU
You were asked to simply assist in a political guard duty assignment.
HAZE
Palpatine is creepy. He also smells like a nursing home gone rogue. Like the kind you hear about on Coruscant news.
WINDU
He is the supreme chancellor.
HAZE
I don’t understand. Does that make him less creepy and old smelly?
LUMINARA
You are before the council with such disrespect? I don’t know if we should be embarrassed or outright disown you.
MUNDI
That disrespect is why you’ll never be master.
HAZE
You mean I missed my shot to hang out with all you fuddy--I mean fabulous knights who do the chancellor’s bidding? I’m good.
YODA
Impertinent, you are. Tiresome are your responses.
HAZE
Can we wrap this up? My shift at Burger World starts soon. I can’t be late...again.
WINDU
You have a job outside of your duties, Knight Haze?
HAZE
How else am I gonna pay for some non-itchy clothes? I put that request in yeas ago, and the clothes only get hotter and itchier. I bet Hutt skin is more comfortable than this get up.
WINDU
You wear the traditional garb of a Jedi Knights which has been worn for years. Deal with the itchiness. We all do.
HAZE
Is that why y’all so cranky? I was wondering. I’m guessing the Sith wear wool shorts at this point.
*Masters stare at each other, then back at Haze. They take a long, collected sigh*
WINDU
You will resign from this “Burger World.” They sound indulgent, and you are getting a muffin top.
HAZE
Did you just call me fat?
WINDU
I did not say--
HAZE
--You talking, but all I heard is “fat, fatty Mc Fat-Fat.”
YODA
Careful young one. Sensitive you sound. To the dark side, such butthurt leads to.
HAZE
Wait...I’m whiny and fat? You must think I’m the worst Jedi ever.
*The masters look over at Obi-Wan. Obi Wan ignores them.*
OBI WAN
I’m taking the high ground on this.
YODA
High Road you mean?
OBI WAN
No. It’s always high ground with me.
YODA
Away with you you Haze. Master you will not become.
HAZE
Wait.Y’all was evaluating me for master? Nobody said anything about evaluations.
LUMINARA
You don’t listen very well either.
HAZE
(mumbles)
Says the master with the jankey padawan.
*Luminara stands, and ignites her saber*
Says the master with the jankey padawan.
*Luminara stands, and ignites her saber*
LUMINARA
Say that again, so everyone can hear your impertinent self.
The other Masters block Luminara’s path from stepping closer to Haze*
LUMINARA
No, don’t stop me. Let him see what a master can do/
OBI WAN
Fear is not a tool the Jedi use. You know this.
LUMINARA
Oh? He all good on the high ground are we? You’s your padawan?
OBI WAN.
Mine completed his trails.
LUMINARA
And if you so much as say “Padme slept with Clovis,” he’s about to have a crisis.
YODA
Uncalled for this is. Better than this we are.
LUMINARA
Tell that to Dooku, you algae-infested fortune cookie.
*Yoda rolls his eyes*
YODA
Made mistakes I did, but insults--
LUMINARA
--Damn it, say a sentence in order! It takes all of the force to listen to this mess.
*Luminara deactivated her lightsaber, and storms out of the room*
HAZE
I’ll go finish clock in at my other job.
*Windu walks up to Haze and gives him unflinching eye contact*
WINDU
Boy, if you don’t quit that job, and get back to Jedi business, there's going be a world of hurting on you.
HAZE
You promise?
You promise?
*Windu ignites his saber. The rest of the masters struggle to hold him back*
MUNDI
You should run, Haze. If you stop agitating use we’ll make you master.
HAZE
Before Skywalker.
OBI WAN
Let us worry about Anakin, just leave.
*Haze zips out of the Council chambers*
HAZE
Suck it Skywalker. I’m a master before you.
